“I witnessed my neighbor, Jack Killsalot, kill a lot of people last year,” said atheist blogger Jason Cantor, “but the prosecutor couldn’t prove the guy was guilty so now I have to believe he didn’t do it.”
Cantor witnessed his neighbor kill a dozen people while yelling,
“REMEMBER MY FACE CANTOR… I WANT TO GO TO JAIL BECAUSE THEN I CAN GET A COOL JAIL TATTOO… I AM GIDDY WITH JAIL-CITEMENT!!!”
However, the police did not recover enough evidence to publicly demonstrate that Killsalot was probably guilty of the murders.
Cantor explained the implications,
“While I did witness my neighbor kill 12 people, I can’t present enough evidence to show it. I can’t even show my neighbor was probably guilty. This means reason and logic dictates I must believe that I didn’t witness Jack Killsalot kill a lot of people! (no pun intended).”
“Do I have to say, “no pun intended” EVERY TIME I TALK ABOUT THIS? That is so messed up… WHO NAMES THEIR CHILD, “JACK KILLSALOT” THEN LETS HIM KILL A LOT OF PEOPLE? ARGH! ARG! ARGHH! ARRRGFDKOSASDIJO!”
Despite being sharply criticized for his views, Cantor defended himself,
“Look… I don’t make the rules of reason… I simply blindly follow what people on the internet say they are. And the internet tells me this is one of them: whoever makes a claim must demonstrate that those claims are true.“
“I can’t claim I saw the murder because I can’t demonstrate to you that I did. All I have is my personal experience and personal experience cannot be publicly demonstrated. “
“The upshot is that while I saw my neighbor kill 12 people I can’t tell anyone I saw it or even believe I saw it myself. It’s the only rational point of view.“
However, Cantor still holds out hope that he will be able to claim he saw what he actually saw,
“if the police recover some more evidence then presto… we can publicly demonstrate my neighbor’s guilt! Then I can start telling I can start believing that I saw what I saw… Jack Killsalot… killing a lot of people (no pun intended). ARG!“
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