Atheist Philosopher Tells Wife Other Women's Lipstick on his Neck Fully Explained by Infinite Regress - When Faith Gives Reason a Back Rub

Atheist Philosopher Tells Wife Other Women’s Lipstick on his Neck Fully Explained by Infinite Regress

“The lipstick on my neck was caused a chain of impersonal events stretching back infinitely into the past,” said atheist philosopher Gerhard Buhnhedhfiuezguen (prounounced BUN-HEAD-MINTZER-HOOZEN-SCHLAGEN!!!).

Buhnhedhfiuezguen was caught with red lipstick on his neck by his wife Sally, this morning. His wife said she didn’t buy the explanation, to which Gerhard replied,

“Of course there was no personal first cause! Scientists are never allowed to resort to a personal explanation! Are you some kind of uneducated nutjob? Everything must have an blind impersonal physical cause! “

When Mrs. Buhnhedhfiuezguen didn’t buy it, Gerhard replied simply,

“You have disrespected science and disrespected the distinguished Buhnhedhfiuezguen name!” (pronounced BUN-FIFER-SCHLAGEN-HAGEN-DAS!!!)

We interviewed another member of the Buhnhedhfiuezguen family who wished to remain anonymous. He stated,

“Gerhard has been using excuses like this for years. When we were in Highschool he stole my car and denied it by saying I was irrational to infer a personal cause when my car could have ended up in his driveway due to, “cosmic background radiation.”

cars-923455_640
All cars in Buhnhedhfiuezguen’s driveway have been reported stolen yet arrived in his driveway due somehow to string theory (scientists are still working on explaining just how this happened).

The anonymous family member continued,

“The worst part is that when you question him about it, he always accuses you of, “disrespecting the Buhnhedhfiuezguen name.” (pronounced BUN-HOOF-MINTZER-FLAGEN-CANTALOUPE)

cantaloupe-1262199_640.jpg
Actual photo of Cantaloupe

 

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