BREAKING: 9 San Diego Residents Killed by 50 Degree Weather - When Faith Gives Reason a Back Rub

BREAKING: 9 San Diego Residents Killed by 50 Degree Weather

A group of 9 residents of San Diego, California died last night after they forgot their hoodies and stepped outside in 50 degree weather.

One of the victims, Bo Burrows, left behind a wife, two children, and a fully stocked Tiki Bar.

The other victims were single and childless but left behind a total of 125 skateboards, 304 surfboards, and five tons worth of designer beach towels with an estimated value of 12 million dollars.

All nine of them were atheists who believed that truth is subjective. Since there is no objective standard such as God, they believed each individual makes his or her own truth. Each person, they believed, makes his or her own reality.

This meant that since they believed it was true that they were freezing outside in 50 degree weather, they literally froze to death.

Another unfortunate effect was on the aforementioned victim, Bo Burrows. There was a 12 mph wind outside when Burrows remarked, “it feels like I am being blown away.” Because of Burrows belief in subjective truth, he took off like a kite into the night sky, never to be seen by his family again.

However, a man near Los Angeles claims to have seen Burrows being flown on a string like a kite by a young boy at a park yesterday evening.

The victim’s names are as follows,

Bo Burrows

Talon Dillon

Pancake Durbridge

Breakfast Durbridge (unrelated)

French-toast Durbridge (unrelated)

Pacman Hamilton

NBAJam Hamilton (unrelated)

Spaceinvaders-SUCKS Hamilton (Mother of “Pacman Hamilton”)

Dax (no last name)

 

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