“It is destroying my life! Ever since the gluten-free craze began people have been cutting me out of their life. I realize it sounds crazy but it’s actually happening!” said Dr. Glutenheim.
Glutenheim detailed the effects of his unfortunate name,
“My first cousin told me it would be, “healthier” if she, “cut me out” of her life because she is, “avoiding all gluten products.” As a medical doctor I explained that I am not literally “gluten” and she doesn’t even have Celiac disease so it is healthier for you not to avoid gluten… plus, I told her, ‘I am family and I love you!'”
Glutenheim’s cousin responded by screaming,“Stay away from my children!“ just before she hit him in the head with a metal iron, turned in the other direction, and, as if she was being chased by Godzilla, and pushed an elderly woman out of the way as she ran for her life, screaming at the top of her lungs.
Continuing, Glutenheim said,
“My boss literally told me that he couldn’t be around gluten and so I had to see patients outside near the parking lot. Do you have any idea how hard it is to do a colonoscopy outside in one-hundred degree heat?
If you’ve ever sat in leather seats on a hot day you understand about 1/1000th what my patients go through. Surgery is very difficult to do outside… it was just not meant to be done in the rain.”