Actual Jesus: Behold! The kingdom of heaven things is here!
GOP Jesus: What must I do to follow you?
Actual Jesus: Sell half of your possessions and give to the poor, and come, follow me!
GOP Jesus: What? How can I care about the poor at a time like this? Haven’t you heard of terrorism? The secularization of America? How can you dare tell me these things?
Actual Jesus: Because I’m Jesus and I said so… what the frick?!
Sell half of your possessions and give to the poor! Or I will just mosey on my way without you…
GOP Jesus: You sound like some kind of, I believe the technical term for it is, libtard.
You are not going anywhere, because I believe in you and the bible says you will therefore agree that I speak for you.
Actual Jesus: I will begin the process of moseying on my way…
GOP Jesus: What? Who do you think you are… you are not a Christian at all! And I can prove it.
I shall title this proof,
REASONS WHY THIS CONVERSATION PROVES
JESUS IS NOT A CHRISTIAN…
- He has said nothing in this conversation about abortion. Apparently he doesn’t care about babies being murdered.
- He has said nothing in this conversation about religious freedom. He acts like some kind of a fool that plans to be crucified.
- He is on record telling me to, “love my enemies” which unfairly restricts me from calling them all traitors.
From 1, 2, 3, and a bunch of false assumptions present in 21st centruy America, it follows that Jesus is not nearly as good a Christian as Jerry Fallwell.
In fact, Jesus is not a Christian at all!