Earlier this year, a study found that 1/5 American’s lives are actually being narrarated by the actor Morgan Freeman. This new information has prompted a class-action lawsuit by many of the over 65 million Americans whose lives are currently being narrated by Morgan Freeman.
One American, 34 year old accountant Fred Odleman said,
“I just want to go home after a long day and have a beer on the porch without Morgan Freeman acting like I am Andy Dufresne from the Shawshank Redemption. It is just a beer… it’s really not all that important….“
Morgan Freeman replied, “I can’t help it, I have a problem. I admit it. I would join narrators anonymous BUT THERE ISN’T ANY.”
Freeman then began to narrate our reporter’s life, after which we had to cut off the interview for his own good.
At the Worst Times…
One of the biggest complaints Americans have lodged at Freeman is that he doesn’t stop narrating at even awkward moments.
Have you ever failed at giving a presentation at your job? Do you have any idea how it feels to have Morgan Freeman say at that moment, in front of your boss and all your coworkers,
“All the preparation, all the late night confidence building sessions with his mom, all of the crying on his wife’s shoulders, was not enough to help Jack impress his boss and coworkers. But tonight, at least, he will be able to comfort himself with the thought that he is better than all of them as he sucks his thumb and watches the teletubbies for comfort.“
According to 32 year old Fred Richels, Freeman showed up shortly after the birth of his son and, in front of a room full of his family, narrated the following words,
“Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know when you are going to get an ugly baby.“