In his closed, “no adults allowed” press conference yesterday, Donald Trump explained that he would keep America safe by, “utterly destroying liberal fruity water.”
He announced this at a rally with Sheriff David Clark who promised, “eliminating liberal fruity water will make up for having a small penis any day of the week!”
The end of the rally saw Clark, in his usual fashion, taking steroids and screaming, “AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!” for ten minutes straight at anyone who made him feel insecure, especially the poor and vulnerable.
Trump has repeatedly threatened the grocery chain Mariano’s with carpet bombing if they do not remove their cucumber water from the cafe area.