“I only slept with highly intelligent women,” said Dr. Alexi Gebhardt, “considering that I myself have three doctorates, the hundreds of intelligent babies produced from these affairs will benefit mankind immensely.”
Dr. Gebhardt is famed for defending the view that science can give us our morality and was recently outed for having affairs with over 200 women in over 50 countries. “Science is the only way to knowledge about the world and so it is my moral guide,” Dr. Gebhardt said.
“Science tells me that since I am highly intelligent the best way I can spend my time on this earth is to create more offspring by impregnating as many women as is humanly possible. I wish my wife would be more understanding of this point.”
Coming off the heels of many scandals of religious leaders, Gebhardt pointed out that,
“Religious people are held to high moral standards. This is one reason why when religious leaders are outed, it is a big deal. However, people, especially my wife, need to realize that moral beliefs such as, “cheating is wrong,” are only things we evolved to survive. They aren’t actually true. While religious people who believe in evolution still say God caused those things to evolve, I am not bound to this way of thinking.”
“If my offspring has a better chance to survive I have every right to have so many children with so many different women that I need to create a spreadsheet to keep track of them all.”
Mr. Gebhardt’s divorce lawyers released a statement saying that Gebhardt’s wife is entitled to only 5% their wealth because she, “was a less fit member of the human race having an IQ much smaller than her husband.”