“Crazy people would be crazy to seek 24 hour news coverage of their craziness!” said the CEO of CNN, Jack Flash.
CNN is under fire after one of the top terrorist staffing agencies, Al-Boom-U, credits CNN for their success,
“Terrorism works when people are terrorized. That is why we are so grateful for the 24 hour news coverage of our faces, the wreckage, and the bleeding victims of our terror attacks… it this goes on terrorizing people for weeks after an attack. Our entire staff of cold-hearted terrorists sobs with joy whenever the topic comes up.”
Less bearded crazy people such as Donald J. Trump have also expressed appreciation for this phenomena. When we asked Trump to comment he replied, “I banged your wife you freaking failure.“
“We think disgusting comments like this are perverting our national discourse. That is why we will discourse about it for the next twenty-four hours.“
Flash continued, “we plan to respond by keeping a countdown meter on the bottom right of the screen which will countdown until Trump’s next speech. I bet he didn’t see that coming!“
The support of crazy people has led to CNN receiving a number of gifts from the aforementioned crazy people.
As a token of their thankfulness Al-Boom-U has promised to ship Anderson Cooper, “100 of our most obedient slaves.”
Flash has promised CNN will not accept the slaves, “unless it would lead to better ratings.“