"Science is Dead," says Nerd Unable to Get a Date - When Faith Gives Reason a Back Rub

“Science is Dead,” says Nerd Unable to Get a Date

“I have read over 200 peer-reviewed scientific studies on dating,” said 15 year old Tanner Finkleman, “yet, it has worked out so poorly that I plan on taking my own father to the prom.”

Finkleman had long accepted the popular idea that science is the only source of real knowledge.

This caused him to look to science to solve every problem. However, he began to notice that his other, less scientific peers seemed to be doing much better in the dating realm.

Finkleman came across a jock at school named Todd Brady. Brady had three girlfriends yet still spelled science, ‘Zyence,’ and believed the earth was shaped like a football.

Finkleman, confused at why Brady didn’t have to use science to get women, asked him why. Brady responded, “I had no need of that hypothesis.”

Dumbfounded as to how someone could succeed in something without resorting to science, Finkleman became disillusioned with science, and composed the famous, “Thus Spoke Finkleman,” where he courageously said, “Science is dead.”

Here is the crucial passage of his book,

“If a man can succeed in dating while believing photosynthesis means every plant has a bunch of tiny cameras that take pictures of the sun, I definitely do not need to appeal to science in all areas of my life.

Therefore, THUS SAYETH FINKLEMAN, who is the one that DOTH SAYETH… SCIENCE! IS!! DEAD!!!!!”

Finkleman has become a, “militant a-scientist,” dedicating his life to destroying science in all of its forms.

Observers note that during every single one of his speaking appearances, Finkleman begins by ripping his shirt in defiance and yelling, “SCIENCE… SHOW THYSELF” while he points and laughs at scientific journals. Science has yet to show itself during one of those presentations.

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