STOP THE LIES - The TRUE Origin of Thanksgiving - When Faith Gives Reason a Back Rub

STOP THE LIES – The TRUE Origin of Thanksgiving

The word “Thanksgiving” is a combination of two greek words, Thankus and Guetus.

Thankus was the greek god known for his turkey shape and destructive addiction to cranberry sauce
Geutus was a human being who is primarily known for her destructive addiction to thankfulness.

According to the legend…

The Greek god Thankus was stuck inside the grocery store for hours waiting in line to buy cranberry sauce. Thankus couldn’t wait to gobble up the cranberry sauce as he drove home drunk (classic Greek god stuff).

When Thankus finally arrived at the front of the line, he was so upset for such a long wait in line that he was screaming at the checkout lady and demanded that the manager come.

The manager was, YOU GUESSED IT… Geutus!

While normally extremely polite and thankful, Geutus was freaking pissed off. Not only did she have to work on thanksgiving rather than see her family, now she had to deal with a raging jerk who was in the form of a turkey and flapping his wattle around…


Guetus, who had a destructive addiction to thankfulness, found that she couldn’t find anything to be thankful for in this situation. She realized this crazy turkey-man was breaking her destructive addiction to thankfulness!

Geutus had lost 3 of her 4 children to thankfulness overdoses and knew that she had to break this addiction once and for all.

So her and Thankus agreed once a year to meet eachother and intentionally piss each other off. This way, Geutus would get help breaking her addiction to thankfulness.

There was also a pilgrim in line at the grocery store. That is where the pilgrim part came from…


Happy Thanksgiving!!!

Want more to be thankful about? Why not readeth more?

Share this Back Rub!
  • 4

Be the first to comment

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.