Bowl of Soup Nominated for Nobel Peace Prize
A bowl of soup has been officially nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. The bowl, filled with pea soup, is credited with being warm and tasty. Independent observers say it was a slippery slope after […]
Satire
‘BLOW UP THE SYSTEM’ Says Man Dependent on the System
A man who completely depends on the system for employment, protection, and future prosperity was quoted saying, “BLOW UP THE SYSTEM” Wednesday night. The man, who posted this comment on Reddit, lives in a society […]
Senate Republicans Propose Plan to Extend Deal With the Devil
“The deal was supposed to expire once Trump left office, but the devil is very scary and could primary us,” said one source inside the GOP. The devil could not be reached for comment but […]
New Marvel Superhero: Idiot Who Buys Overpriced Stocks
Marvel just announced it’s next Superhero movie called, “Todd,” an everyday idiot who discovers his superhero power: buying overpriced stocks. The origin story begins with Todd’s grandfather who put his life savings in horse stocks […]
Russian Trolls Confuse “Casual Friday” with “Casualty Friday”
Just this morning thousands of Russian-backed social media accounts confused America’s custom of “casual Friday” with Russia’s state mandated holiday, “Casualty Friday.” Russian troll accounts on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram all posted comments on the […]
Trump Condemns Shadrach, Meshach and John McCain to the Fiery Furnace
At a rally moments ago Donald Trump ordered that Shadrach, Meshach and John McCain be thrown into the fiery furnace. Many in the GOP assumed Trump would still hope their God would save them, but […]
Putin frees 755 Hostages
In a surprising change of policy, Valdimir Putin signaled peace with the west this morning by freeing 755 American diplomats who were being held captive in Russia. The move came as a shock to the […]
New Healthcare Bill Includes Authorization to Kill Robin Hood
The new GOP healthcare bill reportedly includes an amendment to authorize the President to make a preemptive strike on Robin Hood and his band of Merry Men. The amendment called, “nuking medicaid, protection for preexisting […]
Trump Demands GOP Leaders Yell ‘WITNESS ME’ Before Publicaly Defending Him
Asking all others to leave the room, Donald Trump spoke with top GOP leaders such as Paul Ryan and Mr. Burns. In the meeting he reportedly demanded not only their loyalty, but also demanded that […]
Politician Finds Nothing to Whine About After Opposition Takes Poop
Multiple sources report that Senator Bill O’Donnell found absolutely nothing to whine or cry about after a Senator from the other side of the isle went into the bathroom and took a dump. O’Donnell was […]
Trump Considers Shooting Own Dog to Control Next News Cycle
“If I shot my own dog,” thought President Trump, “it should buy me at least one day of news coverage.” According to sources in the White House, Trump has been brainstorming ways to distract the […]
After Infowars Claims Leprechauns Exist, Trump to Carpet Bomb Ireland
“I read an article on Infowars claiming that leprechauns actually exist and that they are hoarding gold,” said Donald Trump shortly after his daily cocaine session. Trump has ordered the US military to DEFCON 1 […]
Breakthrough: Science Discovers “Mr. Burns Gene” in Trump
“Some only speculated that such a gene literally existed, but now there is no doubt,” said Hans Flibbelflovel, chief scientist at the University of Flubber. Flibbelflovel’s team tested Trump’s DNA and noticed that one of the […]
Democrats Unleash Foolproof Plan for 2020: ‘Do the Same Thing as Last Time’
Democrats have reportedly unleashed a foolproof plan to stop Trump in 2020, do exactly the same thing as last time. The Democrats plan to win over former Trump voters by just sitting back and waiting […]
Trump Threatens War With Mother Nature
“For FAR too long Mother Nature has attacked Americans with tornados, hurricanes, and earthquakes! I won’t stand for it any longer!” said Donald Trump. Trump believes that President Obama has been weak on the natural […]