Just this morning thousands of Russian-backed social media accounts confused America’s custom of “casual Friday” with Russia’s state mandated holiday, “Casualty Friday.” Russian troll accounts on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram all posted comments on the […]
At a rally moments ago Donald Trump ordered that Shadrach, Meshach and John McCain be thrown into the fiery furnace. Many in the GOP assumed Trump would still hope their God would save them, but […]
In a surprising change of policy, Valdimir Putin signaled peace with the west this morning by freeing 755 American diplomats who were being held captive in Russia. The move came as a shock to the […]
The new GOP healthcare bill reportedly includes an amendment to authorize the President to make a preemptive strike on Robin Hood and his band of Merry Men. The amendment called, “nuking medicaid, protection for preexisting […]
Asking all others to leave the room, Donald Trump spoke with top GOP leaders such as Paul Ryan and Mr. Burns. In the meeting he reportedly demanded not only their loyalty, but also demanded that […]
Multiple sources report that Senator Bill O’Donnell found absolutely nothing to whine or cry about after a Senator from the other side of the isle went into the bathroom and took a dump. O’Donnell was […]
“If I shot my own dog,” thought President Trump, “it should buy me at least one day of news coverage.” According to sources in the White House, Trump has been brainstorming ways to distract the […]
“I read an article on Infowars claiming that leprechauns actually exist and that they are hoarding gold,” said Donald Trump shortly after his daily cocaine session. Trump has ordered the US military to DEFCON 1 […]
“Some only speculated that such a gene literally existed, but now there is no doubt,” said Hans Flibbelflovel, chief scientist at the University of Flubber. Flibbelflovel’s team tested Trump’s DNA and noticed that one of the […]
Democrats have reportedly unleashed a foolproof plan to stop Trump in 2020, do exactly the same thing as last time. The Democrats plan to win over former Trump voters by just sitting back and waiting […]
“For FAR too long Mother Nature has attacked Americans with tornados, hurricanes, and earthquakes! I won’t stand for it any longer!” said Donald Trump. Trump believes that President Obama has been weak on the natural […]
“You aren’t appreciating the freedom I have given you by appearing to you in the form of a man,” said Sean Spicer to the press Friday afternoon. Spicer repeatedly threatened the press by claiming that he […]
“We would have at least preferred a trigger-warning… there are just some things you don’t make jokes about,” said Steve Bannon on Monday. At a high level meeting comprised of Trump’s top assholes, new employee […]
“At least your are not a politician” said one supporter as Trump caught him with a bear trap, threw a grenade in his direction, and shot him in the leg just for the heck of it. […]
Donald Trump sent a letter to a top hand expert claiming that his hand size in 2005 was “totally normal” in order to distract from a congressional investigation which indicates he systematically stole candy from […]
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