TRUMP TO RNC: "I Hit You Because I Love You" - When Faith Gives Reason a Back Rub

TRUMP TO RNC: “I Hit You Because I Love You”

Speaking at the Republican National Convention tonight, Donald Trump said,

“Look babe, I know stuff has gotten started on the wrong foot, we have had some disagreements, and I banged your sister… but I want you to know that I do all of this stuff out of love.”

Trump then put on his leather jacket and trucker hat, and continued,

“I want you to know that while my actions could be destroying the Republican party for a generation, I am doing it for your own good. I hit you because I love you. You see, you need a man like me, strong, arrogant, and orange.”

After this statement Trump pulled out the keys to his red Camaro, hit the automatic start button, and then continued speaking,

“If you stay with me I promise you that I will stop flirting with liberalism and start flirting with Mike Pence.”

Then, Trump’s cell phone began to ring. Trump answered the phone, and said, “hey baby I’m in the middle of something,” then finished his speech,

“But it’s really not my problem, you want to be alone for the next four years? Forever? Of course you don’t. Your logo is a fat elephant. Who would want that? You need me. Now stop crying and get in the polling booth.”

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